31 August 2009

Wedding gift-how much are you worth?

I'm intrigued to write about this issue after seeing a local celebrity who is a long time millionaire,giving his new bride only RM 3000 as the wedding gift.He said he give all of his true heart and love as the wedding gift.In Malay culture, a wedding gift is a must along with the mahar,which usually consist of cash and lavish gifts such as jewelery,expensive handbags and shoes,mobile phone,expensive cosmetics,sweets such as cakes and gourmet chocolate.There is even a girl with wedding gift of RM444,444.44 and mahar of RM22,222.22,divorce after a year.Now,I understand in some culture like arab and pakistan,this amount is normal,but not to our culture.

Example of wedding gift

Example of wedding gift

Generally,there are 4 types of bride

1)The humble bride-I conclude this is the people with wedding gift of Rm10,000 or less
2)The standard figure bride-Anything between RM10,000 to RM 20,000
3)The proud and show off bride-ridiculous figure and love to play with number with a symbolic excuse
4)The secret bride-will not tell the amount

Expensive mahar has become such a trend in our community lately.Its like a symbol of pride among new bride.The higher the better.It seems that these type of people is so proud to announce "their value".To read about new bride getting wedding money/gift with preferable and extraordinary number as they claim-RM 77,777, RM 33,333.33,RM 11,111.11,makes me grasp for breath.As if their other lavish wedding gift is not enough for them

Now I'm opposed to this idea of exorbitant money .Its becoming a trend and its not healthy at all.It cause riak.(رياء). It cause influence among other bride to be.It's burdening the future husband and cause them to borrow here and there.Its not good to start a new life together with debts.It cause the man to think twice to get marry and makes some of them delaying marriage ,involve sin with their partner.It really doesn't matter how much money your future husband have,but as a Malay I think we should always preserve our humble sifat,right?A low mahar doesn't make us less valuable.In Rasullullah hadis from Aisyah,The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) have said: "The most blessed marriage is the one with the least expenditure".(Hadis riwayat Al-Baihaqiy)

From Aisyah,The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "The blessing of a woman is in making her engagement easy and in making her dowry affordable."(Hadis riwayat Al-Baihaqiy)

The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) told a poor companion may Allaah be pleased with him who was poor and did not have anything to give as a dowry to his wife: "Give her even a ring of iron."(Hadis riwayat Bukhari)

Imam al-Shafi’e narrated in his book al-Umm from Abu Yahyah that he said: 'I asked Imam Rabeeah about the minimum Mahr, he said, any amount that is agreed on by both parties. I said, ‘If it is only a Dirham?’ He said, ‘Even if it is half a Dirham.’ Then I said, ‘If it is less than that,’ he said, ‘yes, even if it is a handful wheat or a seed of wheat’.

In the time of Rasullullah S.A.W,there's even a poor man who give ayat quran as the mahar for his bride.How noble is that.

I think we should educate our people,that instead of giving the customary RM80 mahar,why not we raise the mahar value and lower down the wedding gift

I know of 2 Malaysian celebrities with a humble wedding money.Zahnita,a famous model and part time actress,married few years ago with a wedding money of RM5,000.She said her wedding day was such a blessing that people that come in to her wedding give them money(a traditional practice to donate money to the host) that can buy her a Proton Gen 2 car(approximately RM55,000 ) and Alhamdulillah this girl living happily with her husband and a baby girl

Zahnita modelling at Islamic fashion festival IFF kuala lumpur

Zahnita modelling at Islamic fashion festival IFF kuala lumpur

Another one is Norman of KRU.Being a big boss in big entertainment production,he is determine to not marry the glam and glitzy local celebrities,and choose to end his bachelor life with a women older than him(following sunnah) ,and giving her only RM3000 as the wedding gift.

I really hope that the sister out there will stay humble and not burden your partner when it comes to the wedding issue.The whopping amount spend will not guarantee our happines and continuity of our marriage.Whats important is the blessing that we got from our marriage.If since earlier the value of the wedding is benchmark by money,what hope have we got?


  1. nice post!!

    i'm doing mahar talk at the moment and we worked it out based on what his weekley pay is, and so it is 2 months of his salary (but he has had more than 1 year to save). The mahar to me is not about my worth, or i want to buy a car after im married or things like this for me its money i wont touch or put to the side in case of divorce emergency death or money i can give to my kids when they are older.

    the money gift i never heard of that before cause ussualy he buys us gold and a bit of money to buy new clothes aswell. And i think he will go crazy if he needs to save more money, cause after marraige any money he makes is for the family anyway.

  2. MashaAllah... I'm lovin' this post. Two thumbs up. When i get married, InshaAllah I'll let the guy decide. But I dont want wedding gifts from him (shoes, perfume, etc. Not that much use to me :)). Allah knows best. Nice post sister!

  3. ma sha Allah good post. it shouldnt be extravangt and over the top. But the woman should get some kind of safety if possible. Money or gold she can put away, or maybe if she has the option to choose some furniture she likes. depending on the husbands income.
    In my hubbies country, the women belivie it or not, buy gifts for them selves. only as a means of display on the wedding party.
    I was like WHAAAT when i heard that.
    But many women who doesnt get much else in life, perhaps feel the need to shine xtra much on days like that.
    But as you say many marriages end up in catastrophy and this being one of the reasons for it : )
    lov ur post sis!

  4. Hi there. Like the rest said, good post :) You've clearly done your research before writing this :) Islam teaches us to be modest, and making the groom gift hefty mahar and wedding gifts that is out of his means and up to the point that he feels it is a burden (in which case, no longer modest) is deffinately not what Islam teaches its followers. However, I don't think you (or anybody) should be putting labels on people based on the amount of their wedding gifts. People have a lot of different reasons why they choose to give a certain amount of money as wedding gifts to their bride. Some need assuring, some are gifts from the in laws, some can just afford it. And I sure no matter how much their wedding gift is, there are people who just give without intending to be "riak". Sometimes the bride and groom have pure intentions but the people who see the amount make their own conclusions. But indeed, sometime people feel the need to show off :) My point is, we don't know what exactly goes on in other people's lives and why they do the things they do so we should not label people "humble", "standard", "show-offs", and "secretive" when we simply don't know the facts. All we know (most of the time), is the numbers of their mahar and wedding gifts. Just IMHO :) Salaym

  5. Dear nana,

    thanks for ur opinion.I really appreciate all comment here.I'm learning life and i like to hear other people opinion

    The things that I wrote is not only my personal opinion,but I write it after
    extensive reading from local forums,mostly from the view of the man.The subject that I'm concern here is about women who value themself by money,the guys is totally opposed to this,but they cant do nothing about it.They are left with no option,have to work hard and borrow here and there

    While u say that not everyone intending to be "riak",I agree.However,I'm feeling pretty certain that many,many and many are like that(at least I've met a couple of girls that is like that),and thus I bring up this issue.As if,it has become a symbol of pride and status.

    This things has become a trend that the men labelling the in laws as "selling -daughter".They can't even get "discount" even after asking.Not only in big cities,in kampung(villages) people are also started to put un-affordable price for their daughters.

    I just think this is unhealthy and things shouldnt be this way.This issue has been widely discuss in malaysia,mostly in islamic discussion on tv.In my post I remind the sister to be humble,and not being ridiculous.Wallahua'lam.wassalam

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